Revolutionary War Soldier Pump Up Jamz
I found an actually iPod Shuffle of a Revolutionary War soldier. These are the songs that got him in the zone to kill people.
Songs Donald Trump Can't Use to Accompany His Luxurious Firework Display
I'm sure there are a ton of musicians who don't want Donald Trump using their music, but these are the lucky ones that actually got to tell him no.
Firework by Katy Perry + Covers
I'm not sure why this song hasn't become the new national anthem.
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Yesterday the Senate voted down a proposal to bar gun sales to terrorism suspects. Many Americans expressed disappointed with the decision, and rightfully so. I am one of them. There continues to be an inconsistency in how we approach terrorism in this country. I’m just an average dude, but I do have a pretty clear understanding on what the answer is. We need to repeal government restrictions on flying to be more consistent in the war on terror. 1. Create a New Constitutional AmendmentGuns were invented years ago. They were in the public conscious in 1791 when the Bill of Rights was ratified. This is not true for airplanes. Our founding fathers didn’t anticipate the need for each and every American citizen to have the right to fly. We need to create an amendment that protects our flying rights. By making it harder for terrorists to fly, we’ve made it very confusing for average law-abiding citizens. Whether there are laws or not, terrorist will always find a way to fly. There is no need to make flying a hassle for citizens that follow the law. 2. Allow Liquids of All Sizes Through Security Now that it’s my constitutional right to fly in an airplane, it is time to get rid of all these sanctions that make it so hard to fly. I don’t want to buy special 3.4 ounce contact solution just for an airplane ride. I want my normal LARGE bottle of contact solution. This is America, land of the big. If we can’t bring our Big Gulps through airport security then I don’t want to live here. 3. Let Law-Abiding U.S. Citizens Keep Their Shoes OnListen, if the classic American film ‘Home Alone’ starring Macaulay Culkin happened today, it would end with the McCallister’s waiting in line at a TSA checkpoint - never making their flight. End of movie. Is this the world we want to live in, where a classic American movie ends after 20 minutes? I don't think so. Let me keep my shoes on. It’s my goddamn American right to keep my foot fungus to myself. 4. Re-privatize the TSA There’s nothing less American than the federal government taking over jobs a private company can do. The TSA replaced hard working, American businesses in order to make it more difficult for law-abiding citizens, like myself, to fly. I don’t want The Government looking at my exposed body through an x-ray machine. But I would be more than happy if Joe, from Airport Security Solutions, took a peak. 5. Reopen Cockpits to the Public I remember as a kid being able to look inside the cockpit of an airplane and meet the pilots. After meeting the guys in charge of my life for the next few hours, I felt way more comfortable. Pilots are people too. But now that they sit behind a locked door, we only get to hear their muffled voices over a loudspeaker. It could be a robot for all I know! And a robot isn’t going to wish me Merry Christmas like a true American pilot. 6. Tear Up the No-Fly ListHow is it that someone can be on a no-fly list and still be able to purchase and own guns? It looks like a double standard to me. If a suspected terrorist can own a gun, he sure as hell can take a vacation. Repeal the no-fly list and help get a suspected terrorist on the next flight to Cabo.
So a few days after everything happened with Adam, Eve, and Jeremy (AKA the Devil!), this guy Noah was just hanging out in Cincinnati. Noah was pretty cool, but in just a few days since the creation of the earth, everyone else was acting like little bitches.
So God was like, “I’m going to destroy it. It’s not good. I thought was good, but then I got caught up messing around with my Olive Garden franchise, then things just kind of got out of hand.” God continued to be like, “everyone sucks, but Noah you seem cool. I’m going to destroy everything except for you and a bunch of animals. That way everyone else will die, but you and your new pets will live and repopulate the earth. High five.” Noah was an educated man, so he was talking to God and was like, “God, it’s 2016 you can’t just go killing everyone to make a better race. Hitler tried to do that. And it wasn’t very cool.” God was like, “That’s a good point. I don’t want to be like Hitler. Well, what should we do about all these dicks though?” God asked Noah. Noah was pretty cool; he had a beard. He could figure out what could be trendy to shut up all the haters. So Noah was like, “Why don’t we start an NBA basketball team in Cincinnati and you could give me really good basketball skills. And then that way after all the games, I can just be like God did it.” So they did that. They put together a dream squad of players and God gave them all basketball powers. Some of them could block well, some of them could pass and dribble, but Noah was the best. He had a great arc. Meaning he could shoot the ball very well. So after God and Noah signed up for the NBA, they started playing games and winning! After every game Noah would be like, “Yeah I gotta give up to God. He made me this way.” And some people were like, “Whatever, throw your religion on us.” But Noah was like, “For real! God gave me powers.” A lot of people were just like, “Sureee” and sarcastic about it. But Noah kept winning games with his team the Cincinnati Floods, in reference to earlier when God wanted to kill everyone. It was a long and tough season, even though God gave Noah basketball powers. There were still some off the court struggles faced by the players. I won’t go into detail here, but they won most of their games, but not all of them. Let’s be clear it was close. And now it’s the last game of the NBA final and it’s coming down to the last shot. Right now the game is tied against the Warriors, I think. And then all of a sudden Noah gets the ball and there is one second left and he has to shoot, but he’s at like half court. So he’s gives a quick shout out to God, and God is like, “I got your back Noah.” Then Noah puts it in the air from half court and it goes in! The Cincinnati Floods win the NBA!!! And that shot goes down in history as Noah’s Arc. More people were turned on to God at this point because he gives people powers, sometimes. A lot less people were mocking Noah talking about God after games, and when more athletes started doing it, the critics shut up about it. But yeah, that’s why it’s called Noah’s Arc. One of the hippest food trends as of late is crawfish. If it’s your first time, you will quickly realize that figuring out a way to eat crawfish is a messy and complicated process - like solving a Rubik's cube. To help, I’ve created this guide to show you the easiest and cleanest way to eat some craw dads! 1. Acquire alien technology that allows you the ability to transform into other animals.The first step in eating crawfish is to find a cube designed by a race of aliens called the Andalites. By touching this cube you will have the ability to turn into any animal you touch! Beware of an evil alien race called the Zeerks. They will not be happy when you have the ability to transform into animals. If they find out, they will do whatever they can to stop you from enjoying the salty taste of crawfish. 2. Find a common predator of crawfish like a great blue heron.Great blue heron are natural predators of crawfish. Not only will transforming into one make eating crawfish easier, but your natural instinct to consume crustacean will go through the roof! A good place to look is a swamp or a zoo. But I would avoid the zoo because there is a chance the zoo keeper is having his mind controlled by the Yeerks. 3. Touch it.Put your hand on the heron for a short amount of time. Once you feel like you've collected the ability to turn into this animal, you can let go. You now have the ability to transform in to a great blue heron! Be aware that other people have the ability to turn into animals. Some kids - called Animporphs - transform into animals to try and stop the Yeerks from enslaving the human race. That's great, but we are just trying to eat crawfish here! 4. Use your new ability to transform into a great blue heron.This takes great concentration, but just think of all the crawfish your about to eat. Make sure no one sees you because they could be having their brain controlled by the Yeerks. Don't be too alarmed, but your body is about to completely transform into a heron. There will be a lot of crunching noises and you will no longer have the ability to control when you poop. 5. Find a place to eat.I bet you are asking, "How am I supposed to find a place to eat? I'm a bird!" That's a good question. It's almost as if this step should have been sooner. With Yelp being out of the question, there's only one thing left to do: fly you dummy! Take a look from above and find the best crawfish joint in town. 6. Dig in!Normally if you were a human eating crawfish, you would have to tear open the exoskeleton, suck out the tail meat, break apart the claws, and slurp out the brains of each crawfish. This creates a huge mess. Now that you are a great blue heron all you have to do is swallow that crawfish whole in one gulp! No more mess! Transform back into a human.I know it would be great to stay a great blue heron and munch on crawfish a while longer, but if you don't transform back into a human after two hours you'd be a heron forever! The crazy stipulations of alien technology! So after you get your fill, pay the bill and resume your life as a human. A great blue heron eating at a restaurant is suspicious. So remember to wait until after you are out of sight of other humans - in case one of them is being controlled by a Yeerk. It might sound complicated and dangerous, but trust me this is the easiest way to eat crawfish!
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